Red Rover

I am beginning to believe that Republicans are force-fed some sort of strange herbal hallucinogen that inspires them to lie big and, beyond and within that, to do and say some of the truly most bizarre, unexplainable things. Well, actually, I don't think it's force-FED. I imagine that it's probably more along the lines of a suppository.

Witness one Karl Rove, who made headlines recently with the following quote: Liberals saw the savagery of the nine-eleven attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers. Conservatives saw the savagery of nine-eleven and the attacks and prepared for war. Conservatives saw what happened to us on nine-eleven and said we will defeat our enemies. Liberals saw what happened to us and said we must understand our enemies.

I don't know where this freak was immediately following September Eleventh, but it was certainly nowhere near here, and by "here," I mean "the planet Earth." I do not believe there were many Americans, nor many Earthlings, for that matter, who would have blamed President Bush at the time had he opted to exercise a limited nucyoolar option in Afghanistan to smoke that lanky bastard out. I do not believe there were many American liberals who would disagree with me that, had President Bush appeared on our television sets two months to the day of September Eleventh with Osama Bin Laden's head in a bowl on his desk, and had he said, "My fellow Americans" as he started pouring milk over the bowl's contents, and had he begun to chow down on his delicious crispy Osama Bin Laden head cereal while offering us every disgusting detail regarding Bin Laden's slow, painful demise, it would have made most of us liberals very, very happy. Such a scene on my television set two months to the day following September Eleventh would almost have been enought to persuade me to vote for President Bush.

That didn't happen, did it? I mean, Bush set out at first to achieve this mission, even telling Gary Schroen to go in there and put Osama's head on a pike for him. And I believed strongly at the time that the United States was going to raid Afghanistan, bring back Osama's head, kick the Taliban's ass and come home. Unfortunately, we suffered from a little bit o' mission creep.

Here's where the suppositories kick in: It has been long and legitimately established that Iraq was not involved in the September Eleventh attacks. It's been well-documented and is at last permeating public opinion that Saddam's Iraq wasn't involved. So, Rove's attempt to continue sneaking that association in on the American people is downright laughable.

More laughable, though, is Rove's assertion that American liberals wanted to just roll over after the attacks. I was here, you dumbass. I saw the smoke. I walked Roosevelt bridge to get home because I didn't trust the Metro. I saw the snipers pacing on top of the White House. I was here and lived through it and you bet your combover I wanted answers. And if the answers included Osama's head, I would have been happy with that, too. But you assholes have given us more questions than answers, and your act is wearing increasingly thin. What you gave us was a quagmire that has done nothing to exact justice for what happened or to even convince me that something just as bad can't happen again. It's not that we didn't want some blood for that, you dick, but we've got the wrong blood on our hands now.

Keep flapping your mouth about your fancy suit, fellas. They're starting to see you ain't actually got no clothes on. (Just don't ferget to take your medicine.)