Teri Was a Vegetable-dot-com

I think the largest point to be drawn from today's release of Teri Shiavo's autopsy report today is how awesomely powerful the superstitious little gremlins who have pirated the Republican party have become and how incredibly effective they are at obscuring truth.

The autopsy report evicerates claims that Schiavo could have been rehabilitated. It fortifies claims doctors had been making before judges for years, that Schiavo was in a persistent vegetative state, and that her revival was but a dream. The report states for the record that Schiavo was what court records said she was, a woman with half a brain and a head full the rest with fluid. Moreover, the report said she was probably blind, adding a nearly burlesque absurdity to the notion that this woman was reacting or making eyepaths.

And yet, these little gnomes held up the business of the nation for weeks, even rustled the president away from his vacation. They led masses of poor, deluded idiots to protest and to make overt jackasses of themselves, trying to "rescue" a woman who had actually died 14 years ago. One of these leaders, himself somehow licensed as a medical doctor, led the charge based on diagnoses he arrived at by watching it on television, high and mighty in denial of the most basic medical truths before him regarding this poor woman's condition, all in the name of establishing phony esteem points in the, um, "fight" against, um, "activist judges."

When Kansas says it intends to, um, "redefine" science, BELIEVE THEM. They can, and they will. Before you know it, your doctors will eschew the traditional means of treating that grade IV astrocytoma that's been bothering you and will instead jam a cross into your forehead and chant in Latin until Satan must cower from your body. Before you know it, the globes in our classrooms will be shaped more like Monopoly boards than volleyballs, and all of us who want to avoid procreating unintentionally are going to have to get really handy with Saran™ wrap and masking tape.

These are the dark ages, my Republican friends. You voted for them. Have a good time.