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In Which Sarah Vowell and I Share an Experience in Common

Born in the first year of [Noxin's] administration, by the end of it, during the ever-present Watergate hearings on television, I thought Watergate was just a regular TV show, like Bonanza or Scooby-Doo. My mother claims it was unnerving to have a four-year-old always tugging at her hem saying, “Mom, Watergate’s on!” (From The Partly Cloudy Patriot)

I did the same thing with my Gramma G, who was watching the hearings ever so intently.

(Which is why we should have impeached Gorge W. Boosh when we had the chance. TO GET IT ON TELEVISION. Dummies.)

The GOOP: Lunatics and Cowards

By Brady Bonk

On the one hand, you have them seriously debating a resolution that requests that my political party re-brand itself to something ridiculous. They are backing down off of it, which is amazing, because it means that there are some Republigoops who actually recognize the sheer utter lunacy of it, starting with Michael Steeleballs, who may have come to realize that he would actually have to then go on the television and refer to the opposition party time after time with a mush-mouth-makin’ phrase like “Democrat Socialist party.” This is the stuff of sheer lunacy, especially when you consider that these Untied States are actually facing some actual real problems and stuff. (See today’s good news: Fed Predicts Full Economic Recovery Could Take Years. And all these assholes can worry about is the nomenclature of its opposition? Call us the Rembrandt Fucktards for all I care. At least one of these groups is actually concerned with doing some stuff to keep America from tanking rather than being concerned with horseshit like this. Lunatics.)

On the other hand, you have people seriously concerned that, somehow, there isn’t a maximum security prison in these Untied States of America that is secure enough to hold these evil super-criminals they’ve been holding all these years down there south of America’s dong.

Oh, wait. That’s not what they’re actually concerned about. I forgot.

What they’re actually concerned about is that if the detainees ever do get to American courts, the courts will take one look at the big pile of horseshit evidence, the coerced confessions, the torture, the years of detainment without redress, and they’ll have no choice but to set them free, and that, even if they went into Gitmo for jaywalking, that the years of said detainment and treatment will have turned them into some hardened extremist mofos, and that we will essentially be allowing said hardened extremist mofos to roam freely in America. That’s what they’re really worried about. And they should be. Because it may be the most realistic scenario to play out.

But that isn’t Obama’s fault. It’s Bush’s. Fer shure like gag me with spoon. The Untied States didn’t need to throw jurisprudence scattering into the Gulf. The Untied States could have done it right. This is something I hope that President Obama will weigh as he decides what he can get done politically: Things are worth doing right, and if you don’t, you end up with a big damned mess later.

Yes, I know Hairy Reed has also said these people shouldn’t come over here and some other ridiculous crap that he said. But I’m not on the record as a big fan of Harry Reed as it stands, nor of a fan of Nance, neither. This is a party that has needed to growl for years, and it still refuses to do it, and the leadership is not bringing out the growl, and yes, I am including President Obama in that. He is capitulating to the temptation to become Great Triangulator II, and as we know, GTI gave us all kinds of nifty stuff, like the Defense of Marriage Act, “the era of big government is over,” media deregulation, crappy trade agreements, and hey, the very very effective and wonderful “don’t ask don’t tell.” Democrats are never going to get Republigoops, and they lose Democrats by being pussies. Hairy Reed knows there’s no good reason we can’t lock up these guys here; he’s just cowed by superstitious Republigoops who are calling Boss Limbaugh’s show likely by the gross. Don’t you know, these people at Gitmo, they are powerful wizards who can bend steel bars with their brains and can affect the weather merely by holding in their own pee? We dare not lock them up in maximum-security prisons here! They will cause our cows to stop lactating! Our cows! Lactating!

Sometimes this place is so god-damned stupid that you just don’t know what to do.

Leftblogistan 5-19

By Brady Bonk

• Why Bush’s ‘Enhanced Interrogation’ Program Failed (Think Progress)
• Obama Administration Will Not Ask Supreme Court to Review Gag Order Decision (Blog of Rights)
• Is the GOP Trying To Be the NRA of Political Parties? (No More Mister Nice Blog)
• Is that a boy or a girl? (Feministing)
• Keep Bombing Until They See Things Our Way (Balloon Juice)
• Home Deliveries Could Save U.S. Billions in Health Care, Produce Healthier Babies (Crooks and Liars)
Obama/ Netanyahu Meet Produces Few Results (Informed Comment)
• George Will’s continued struggles with “facts” (Daily Kos)
• Newspapers ignore reports on Cheney office’s push for Al Qaeda-Iraq link (Media Matters for America)
• MN-Sen: NormDollar.com Approaches $100,000 and Coleman Gets the Message (The Huffington Post)
• President Obama and the ‘Democrat Socialist Party’ (Zaius Nation)
• Prosecute sins of Bush-Cheney era (AfterDowningStreet.org)
• The rise of private policing in the U.S. (Majikthise)
• The Official White House Photostream (Flickr)

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